


Faithless

by bellamysguns



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bellarke Week, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 08:51:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6072958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamysguns/pseuds/bellamysguns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post season 1 finale; after Clarke pulled the lever. However, Mount Weather didn't capture the remaining hundred, the ark hasn't come down yet, Finn wasn't left to die in the fire, but Bellamy was. Let's see how everything plays out after that...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faithless

Clarke stepped outside the drop ship. Each step she took caused the ashes to scatter into the cold air. She took a deep breath and kept walking, while signaling some of the delinquents to follow. The delinquents slowly paced behind her, while looking around the camp in search for any signs of life. All she saw was death. She looked down at the ashes scattered all over the what was once green grass, which was full of life, was now gray, with the bones of her enemies lying on the ground.

 

_Not all of them were your enemies. Some of your friends were left to burn along with the grounders._

 

Clarke shook her head as if that would clear her head from all her thoughts. She searched the bones in search of someone in particular, but she knew it was a lost cause. She would never be able to identify his remains. There may be no need for searching. Maybe Bellamy escaped and found his way out before the fire engulfed the drop ship's land.

 

_Maybe not._

 

_Maybe I killed him along with all the rest of them. What if I killed my partner? My best friend._

 

Clarke couldn't take the guilt. She couldn't stand not knowing whether she killed Bellamy or if he made it out in time. She looked to her side, where he always stood by, no matter what, and felt the tears spring in her eyes at the thought of never feeling the comfort of having Bellamy standing side by side with her again. Bellamy was the only person she could rely on. He helped her and the rest of the kids through so much. She couldn't have been in charge of the delinquents by herself. She couldn't have done any of this without Bellamy.

 

_And now you've killed the one constant in your life._

 

The tears began to cascade down her cheeks, her whole face was red, and she screamed at the very top of her lungs. Her upper body and shoulders wracked with every sob that forced their way out, her chest was rising and falling unevenly as she gasped for breath. She squeezed her eyes shut, balled her hands into fists each time she threw her head back to let out a blood curdling scream. She fell to the ground and continued to scream until her voice was raw. None of the delinquents even dared go near her, for they feared that Clarke might hurl something at them. The whole camp was filled with Clarke's screams. Everyone knew Clarke was screaming for Bellamy. Everyone wanted to scream with Clarke. Bellamy wasn't just a leader to the hundred. He was a friend who they all cared for dearly. Who Clarke cared for dearly.

 

_And you killed him._

 

Soon it became dark and everyone went back inside the drop ship. Clarke still sat on the ground covered in dirt and ashes. She stared past what was left of the gate, which was teared down by the grounders who attacked. She stared deep into the forest, and just hoped Bellamy would come out of the forest running towards the camp, alive. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Raven looking down at her with her brows furrowed in understanding.

 

"Clarke, you need to come inside and rest. Staring angrily into the forest isn't going to bring Bellamy back any sooner," she deadpanned.

 

When Clarke didn't reply, Raven sighed and limped her way towards the drop ship. A few seconds later, Raven returned with a sleeping bag and a bottle of water. She lightly set the bottle of water and sleeping bag down next to Clarke and leaned down to kiss her on the head.

 

"He'll be okay, Clarke. Bellamy is too stubborn to let a silly fire kill him. Have faith in him like he would in you," she said as she glanced at Clarke, before putting a hand on her shoulder for support as she made her way back to the drop ship, slowly.

 

-

 

Clarke woke up to the sounds of footsteps around the whole camp. She opened her eyes and saw the delinquents picking up the bones on the ground and shoving them into bags before tossing it over what was left of the fence. She got up slowly, wincing. She walked over to Finn and Raven who were whispering to each other over by the drop ship. 

 

"Why didn't any of you wake me up?" Clarke asked, raising her brows.

 

Raven turned over to Clarke and examined her,"You just seemed so peaceful, and it was the first time in weeks since you have gotten a full ten hours of sleep, Clarke." 

 

"I can't sleep! Not when there is a camp to clean up and that there may be a slight chance that Bellamy is still out there!" Clarke yelled.

 

Raven stood up straight,"Woah, listen, Clarke... There are more than enough people to clean up this camp. You have already done so much."

 

Finn jumped in,"Clarke, we don't even know if Bellamy is out there! He is most likely dead-"

 

At that, Clarke felt the tears welling up and looked away. When Finn noticed what he said, his face softened and he put a firm hand on her shoulder and looked in her eyes.

 

"We aren't a hundred percent sure Bellamy is out there, Clarke. I'm sorry. But what we do know is that he wouldn't want you to grieve over him. He'd want you to pick up the pieces and rebuild this camp. He may be still out there, and if he is, there is no doubt that he is fighting his way back to you." 

 

Clarke looked at Finn and Raven, then nodded and walked away. 

 

-

 

Weeks had passed, and there was still no sign of Bellamy. Clarke was starting to lose faith. She marked each day Bellamy was gone in one of the books she found in the bunker.

 

_34 days._

 

Clarke was in her tent, sitting on her bed with her sketchbook and a piece of charcoal she picked up from the fire that was going earlier. She was sketching Bellamy's face. She memorized every feature on his face. From his beautiful brown eyes, to his freckles, to his unruly curly hair, to his prominent jaw, and his tan skin. She started tearing up again at the thought of Bellamy. She kept drawing, however. She took a deep breath and started moving the small piece of charcoal against the paper. She wanted to draw his face perfectly so she wouldn't forget him as time went by. It was a silly thought, Clarke would never forget Bellamy. She was lost in her thoughts when Raven came running into her tent. 

 

The look Raven gave her was enough. 

 

_**Bellamy.** _

 

Clarke practically threw her sketchbook to the other of her tent and darted out as quickly as she could. She kept searching the crowd for any sign of him. Finally, after the delinquents moved out of the way, she saw him. His face was bruised and cut up. He needed stitches, a lot of them. His hair was longer. She didn't think it was possible, but his hair seemed even curlier than before. 

 

"Bellamy," she breathed.

 

He looked over and finally laid his eyes on her. Oh, how she missed those eyes.

 

She ran towards him as fast as her tiny legs could carry her and he met her halfway. She practically knocked him over with the amount of force she hit him with when she hugged him. He stumbled back. She wrapped her arms around him and he immediately returned the bone crushing hug, by wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. She rested her face into the crook of his neck and took a deep breath she didn't know she was holding. She felt her face smile, after weeks since she last saw him. She almost forgot what it felt like to smile. Bellamy buried his head into her hair and placed kiss after kiss to the side of her head. He brought one hand up to her hair and cradled her head. He let out of sigh of relief and held on to her tighter. After what felt like hours, Clarke pulled away and grabbed his face with both of her hands and kissed him several times on the cheek. 

 

When she pulled away, she just looked at him, still cradling his face with both of her hands, until the tears started to well up in her eyes,"I thought you were dead, Bellamy. I thought I killed you," she croaked.

 

Bellamy put a hand on the crook of her neck,"Hey, princess, don't worry. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere."

 

"Bellamy, it was all my fault. I shouldn't have left you out there to die! I'm so sorry, Bell. How could you forgive me?" She was trembling and her lip was welling.

 

"Clarke, listen to me," he caressed her face. "It had to be done. You saved everyone, and besides, I'm alright. See?" He gestured to himself,"I'm fine. I'm even better now that I'm back here."

 

Clarke sighed and finally let go of his face. She put a hand on his shoulder and said,"Well don't think you're perfectly fine... You still need a lot of stitches, Bell." 

 

Bellamy let out a huff, then chuckled,"Lead the way, princess." 

 

-

 

Clarke led the way back into the drop ship where she sat Bellamy down on one of the chairs and took out her med kit. She went to sterilize the needle she intended to use on Bellamy to stitch all of his wounds up. All the wounds she caused. 

 

Bellamy started groaning and Clarke ran to his side in a second and placed her hand on his back. He yelled in pain and quickly pushed her hand off of his back as lightly as he could, but Clarke caught the message. 

 

"Bellamy," she narrowed her eyes. "Let me see your back..."

 

Bellamy took a step back,"No, Clarke, it's fine. You just surprised me... My back is fine, I swear..."

 

Clarke looked him up and down,"Well then you won't mind if I check just to make sure, Bell."

 

She reached for his shirt while he dodged her prying hands and stood up.

 

"Clarke, please don't..."

 

But she had already lifted the back of his shirt up. The burn marks covered his whole back. The red irritated skin was not even the worse of it. Bellamy had been gone for weeks, without any medical equipment or any help. He had to live with the burn marks that expanded all over his back and shoulders for weeks.  _And it was all Clarke's fault. She did this. She put him through the pain._  She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. All her thoughts and feelings were overwhelming her all at once until her sobs took over her body as she dropped to the floor. Bellamy immediately dropped onto the floor with her and scooped her up into his arms. 

 

He put his hand on her cheek,"Clarke, none of this is your fault. I'm okay. Really. Please don't cry because of this. I'm not worth it."

 

How could he still think he wasn't worth it, after all this time. Bellamy had become her best friend on the ground. He was the only person she could fully trust and rely on. He means the world to her. The fact that he thought he wasn't worth it made more tears come out of her eyes.

 

She hit his chest,"Bellamy,  _what the fuck_? How could you possibly say that? You mean the most to me on this goddamn planet! Okay, don't you dare say you aren't worth it. I was beating myself up about you. I can't do this alone, I need you. I caused you all this pain and gave you these scars, OKAY? I DID THIS TO YOU, THE PERSON I NEED MOST! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THIS! EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED IS MY FAULT! I DID THIS! I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN LIVE WITH MYSELF!" 

 

Bellamy just stared at Clarke. He didn't expect her to say any of those things. He obviously one hundred percent felt the same way. He couldn't lose her. He did the only thing that he could think of, and wrapped his arms around her as tight as he could. Clarke was taking in short breaths and started hyperventilating. 

 

"Clarke, it's okay! Calm down! Take deep breaths!"

 

"Bell, I- I- can't... breathe!"

 

He grabbed her hands and started demonstrating by inhaling and exhaling and gesturing for her to do the same. She took deep breaths and finally calmed down, looking Bellamy in the eye the whole time. 

 

"I'm so sor-"

 

He caressed her cheek,"Clarke, it's okay."

 

She looked down,"I don't know how you can even look at me right now."

 

He reached for her but she turned away,"Clarke, everything you said applies for me too. I need you too. You are my best friend on this damn planet. I can't do any of this without you, either."

 

She scoffed,"Such a friend I am, I almost fucking killed you, Bell."

 

Bellamy looked at her with such disbelief in his eyes,"Clarke! I already told you that you did what had to be done! It is not your fault, so please stop blaming yourself. Please..."

 

"I can't do this, Bell. Looking at you just reminds me of what I did, how I hurt you. I can't be around you without thinking about all the horrible things I did. Please just leave me alone."

 

"Clarke-"

 

Clarke got up and looked down at Bellamy. The look on his face was so  _heartbroken_? She let her tears run down her face as she turned around and walked away. She didn't get very far until Bellamy grabbed her arm. She turned around to look at him. He searched her eyes, he was desperately trying to reach her.

 

"Clarke, you said you couldn't do this without me? Well, guess what? I can't do this without you either, okay? Ignoring me to punish yourself is only going to hurt the both of us even more," he looked down at her face and wiped her tears away with his thumbs,"Please, don't do this, I'm here now and all is forgiven, okay? You don't need to do this."

 

Clarke looked up at Bellamy, the tears still falling down her face. She stood up on her tip toes, kissed his cheek, and fell into his embrace. He kissed her temple and held the back of her head.

 

"Bellamy-"

 

"Shut up and just let me enjoy the one moment of peace I have had in a month."

 

Clarke laughed, the sound of her own laughter was strange to her, for she hasn't heard it in months, and kissed his cheek again, while staying in his embrace. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! I do not own the 100 or any of the characters... If I did, they would get much better treatment ;)


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